Do you show your love to your spouse ? Children? Family or close friend, every day or are they forgotten in the mainstream of our embattled lives? I know I have forgotten the steps needed to give relationships alive and thriving. Isn’t that what life is about?
I was a lucky man. My wife was a sorceress of cards. She had one purpose in life, kindness with no exceptions. She did with no expectation of renumeration.She had 11 rules of kindness:
1. Sticky notes at work, in her car, under the TV , in the kitchen, anywhere for easy access. If I was late coming home from work ( which was most days) she would leave me a note saying I love you, good for one hug. If she was not home she would leave me a loving note reminding me she loved me.
2. Hallmark cards when you least expect it. Once she drove thirty minutes to a friends house and left a sympathy card and a stuff bear for condolences to a friend who lost her husband. Her friend was not home so she left it on the porch and went home.
3. Patience. She was incredibly patient with me. I must have exasperated her many times. She would leave me a card or a note expressing her feelings to me. She loved my nieces and nephews. We never had kids but made sure we had time for them. Baseball ,plays, anything they were involved in she did her best to be there. Her craft groups she belonged to or her charity groups she was always ready to give a hand.
4.Express your feelings even if it is uncomfortable to do so. Air out your differences and come to an amicable decision. You may need to see a professional to help mend the fence. We did several times and it helped has sail through difficult waters.
5. Never go to bed angry. A difficult process if an argument happened just before bedtime. No matter what the argument was, no matter how heated, we reached over hugged each other and gave each other a kiss on the lips. Not just a quick kiss but a passionate kiss to match our sense of anger. It is a difficult process, but how much do love your partner?
6. Personal thoughts and letters popped up all the time. Because we had such diverse working hours it was necessary to let each other know that we are loved. I worked week ends and sometimes nights; she worked days Monday through Friday. It is easy to get careless when you are alone in a relationship unless you keep communication alive and well.
7. I love you is the most powerful words in the English language or any language. A simple I love you during the course of the day is all it takes. Phone calls always end in I love you. Emails , text, does this sound difficult to remind someone they are the one most important thing in your life?
8. Is there any time I love you is inappropriate? Not when it involves a girlfriend, wife or kids and close family members or friends. No time is a bad time. If you give a child a hug or kiss in front of their friends they may object a little, but what will their friends say? Nine out of ten times they will say you are a lucky person to be loved.
9. Do you hold open the car door for your spouse? Hold hands when walking done a path or sitting at a dinner table with friends? Don’t you think she would feel special. That you felt you belong together. Hold hands and hug, what other things can you do to show your love?
10. Listen to your children. They are a plethora of information. They know when something is wrong. You do not need to be right all the time but you do need to be the guiding light of their life. Never forget to let them know how much you love them. Even when you are at your worst. Patience and love.
11. Last but not least: find ways to keep your relationship thriving. Marian and I had two little toys three inches tall with hands. We would put one of two coins in one of the dolls hands. Mine was a monkey ,hers was a frog. The coins were, a wanna get laid or I need a hug. When I was very busy and are paths were separated I would find the doll on my bed stand with appropriate coin. Some people would say are you kidding me? My answer to that is do what works for you. Did your present relationship last forty- two years?
I can say I was not the perfect husband and did many things I lived to regret but through the course of my life with my wife my marriage became stronger because of her strength and her philosophy of life. My wife passed away in two thousand and eight and I miss her everyday. I hope you are so lucky to have such a beautiful and loving person to remember.
“She followed her rules of kindness:
1. Sticky notes any where to express her love
2. Hall Mark cards when you lest expect them
4. Express your feelin
5. Never go to bed angry
6. Personal thoughts in letters
7. Never let a day go by without telling your partner “I love You”
8. End a phone call with your partner and family with “I love you”
9. Hug and hold hands when ever possible”
10. Listen to children. You will be surprised with what you will learn.
11. Find ways to keep relationships alive”
Excerpt From: Timothy M. Nugent. “Passages From Her Cards.” Xlibris Corporation, 2012-04-03. iBooks.
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