Are you are free spirit or do you hold yourself back? I remember when I was young, I was a wild stallion. No one could hold be back. My imagination would run wild; I had a friend named Tommy. He lived quite a distance away and I would ride my bike to visit. We would play cowboys and Indians through out the day. We would play pirates or the Lone Ranger and Tonto. Then suddenly we did not see each other anymore. I can not remember why I stopped visiting.
I would explore the vast openness of our country area, riding ten miles away from home. My little bike keep going and going. I would collect Indian arrow heads, shotgun shells, any exquisite rock I thought was interesting driving my Mom insane. She was always worried when I was not home for lunch. I was fearless. My sense of adventure seemed to disappear with age.
Some where in my teens, life became so difficult that I ran out of courage. I was a good athlete; I excelled in sports and suddenly everything was difficult and the drive to excel in sports fizzled and poured into my closed little world of fear. No one new of my delima. I cowered in my shroud of bravado and journeyed on. Has this ever happened to you? Unable to succeed to the space you believe you can achieve. I continued to work and play, at times drinking too much and avoiding intimacy whether it was work or play. Crawling into that black abyss where no one was allowed in. Smiling my way through the day.
Everyday was a new day, striving to break my spirit free. My soul was locked into a battle with the devil. Not even God seemed to help. Then it happened; I lost someone Dear to me and nothing seemed to matter. Amazingly I quit drinking alcohol in great quantities and started to write. Poetry , amercing my soul into my writing. I do not know if my writing was good or bad. I did not care, it was cathartic, and enjoying. I seemed to get back that courage I had lost. That spirit of adventure: “Hi o Silver and away”type of adventure. I became fearless once more for life. I packed my bags, my nickels and dimes, traveled on my Harley Davidson all over the western United States until I had no money to spend. Life was new, exciting, carefree and I was not going to stop until I dropped dead.
One morning I grab a magazine, International living, and it changed the course of my life. I read about a conference to San Jose, Coasta Rica. I attended this well put together conference and decided to visit Coasta Rica once more, then again and again and moved my life there. Aguacate, near Lake Arenal, Costa Rica, a beautiful little town among the rainforest. I changed my writing from poetry to short stories and hope some day to write a novel. Twenty years ago, I would not have the courage to even think of writing a novel or a short story. My spirit is almost free. My life is almost full circle to this point. Now it is time to enjoy the goodness God has given until us.
Have you gone full circle and forgiven your past so your spirit can fly free?
The Quiet Man
He was not gregarious,
Did not tell jokes that were hilarious,
Lived with his wife for forty years.
Together, they worked on individual careers.
They knew their neighbors but not very well.
They did not feel compelled To barbecue and play with children.
They had none and felt bewildered.
He and his wife would work in the yard.
The neighbors looked from afar.
He would take care of the landscape;
Her garden was her escape.
During the week, they both had jobs.
Fellow workers felt them a little bit odd.
They were different, a bit introverted.
Some felt they might be gifted.
He was an accountant at a chocolate factory,
She was a secretary with a fabulous memory,
Both meticulous and neatly kept,
The kind of people you could easily accept.
No family to call their own,
Just the two of them living alone.
Soon their lives would change,
Causing him to become deranged.
She would be killed by a drunk driver,
He an unwilling survivor.
Quietly, he would come unraveled;
His appearance was more disheveled.
His house would become unkempt,
As he felt he had nothing left.
The chocolate factory would close,
Leaving him more desperate and alone.
He was a quiet man who never hurt a soul;
All he wanted was his wife and his home.
One day he would go for a drive.
Alone, he had a plan he contrived.
In his desperate mind,
He decided to leave mankind.
He drove to a special place
Where he and his wife would contemplate.
This is the place he came to die.
He would end his life with a forty-five.
He began to cry as he remembered his wife,
Put the gun to his head to end his life.
When a hand reached in as he clicked the trigger,
Two small fingers between the barrel and the trigger,
Kept the pistol from firing,
Saving his life from expiring.
It was his neighbor from across the street,
Who has been following him very discreet.
She had been watching him for some time;
He had been on her mind.
Some months back she lost her husband;
Something he could understand.
She softly tells him “Your wife would not want this.
She knows how much she is missed.”
She tells him when her husband died,
She also contemplated suicide,
“But your wife, being a compassionate soul,
Came over to help me stay whole.
For months, she would visit me.
I would ask her to leave.
She would stay and give me love.
We would talk about my man up above.
We prayed and cried.
She showed me how to stay alive,
How to live and be loved.
She told me my husband is watching from above.
She said it is our responsibility to keep the memories alive,
That it is not our time to die.”
The man looked up and smiled,
Gave her the gun, and said, “I think I will stay a while.”
She got in the car, and they talked and reminisced.
He missed the companionship,
The endless art of being together,
How they kept each other warm in stormy weather.
Soon it was dark and time to go.
She asked to keep in touch,
Keep her in the know.
He said he would,
Started the car, and drove out the woods.
He felt better,
Came home, and decided to compose a letter.
He wrote to his wife.
He wrote through the night:
Dearest, I met a good woman tonight.
She saved my life.
She told me of your kindness,
Your compassion and thoughtfulness,
How you saved her life,
Kept visiting until you felt she was all right.
These things I knew not,
I am not surprised, I never forgot.
I love you with all my heart.
I promise I will start
To live a long life,
Always remembering you, my wife.
I love you. P.S. I will be seeing the neighbor across the street.
I feel she is like you: compassionate and sweet.
Thank you for your love and inspiration.
I greet my new life with great anticipation.
He is a quiet man.