Fighting the good fight

I went to bed early last night. I get up early most mornings and go to bed late. Last night was an exception. I wake up during the night, two or three times and have trouble falling asleep. For some reason I was exhausted and dragged myself out of bed. Literally, still tired, so I slept an extra hour and woke at seven a.m. and began my day. A cup of hot chocolate and marshmallows. The big white marsh mellows. I opened my e mail and received an Email for a post called The Gloria Sirens. I found it excillerating, yet frightening. I winced hate and anger for what the writer calls her plight.The fight for her right to be a lesbian.

Do all lesbians hate me? Sometime I believe all women hate me. The way they spew out comments when they are angry. A ridiculous assumption. Like the assumption a new president would gather all lesbians and burn them at the stake. Like the witches of the dark ages when people would not think for themselves. My answer for all hate mongers is: “I don’t have to stand for this anymore and will fight to the death for equality for all peoples (a litttle paraphrase from Network the movie in which Peter Finch makes his famous proclamations). I do not care if you are white, black,Chinese, a lesbian or straight, or transsexual, you have a right to live in peace and harmony with your fellow man. My generation fought for this spirit in the sixties. A movement that spawned enlightenment of what could be.

Martin Luther King’s approach is correct. Only in love and acceptance can you cut the binds of hatred. I left my religion that taught this philosophy because they strayed from it. We must band together in a bond of brotherhood,sisterhood and not accept the preaching of any person or oligarchy that professes evil against the common good.

I find  a society that dominates, draws lines in the sand and says you are not like this and cast out individuals  because of their sexual preferences is a closed society I want no part of. Religious organizations profess love, but practices hate, dominance and acceptance to ideology that are flawed. Was not the Bible written to fit the mans need at the time? It is the greatest book ever written by man. I find it difficult to believe that God would cast all lesbians, homosexuals and tranvestites to hell for their manner of lifestyle and love. Sorry that boat left the pier.

I love my Sister and she has a female partner. I see no greater love than what they have and possess. I think they have been together for twenty years and have made a good life for themselves. My sister was divorced and has two fabulous children that are in heterosexual relationships married with wonderful kids. Only with sustainable love could this be possible. Be the “Lone Ranger “, fight for good and Justice with no malice for those who wish you harm. Show them the truth and demand the respect you give them in return.

Pura Vida!


The right to leave on your accord
Your terms you applaud
A choice some disagree
They believe they have a plea

Do we give up our right to decide
What to do with our lives?
Why do you have a right to say
How I should die today?

If I wish to end the pain
Not to suffer in anyway
It is my choice to choose
Why should you refuse?

If I am young and want to escape
I find there is no one to relate
I wish to euthanize
Could you advise

Show a compromise
Or do I commit suicide?
While you decide
What I do with my life

Isn’t it mine to decide?
Who gave the government my right
To decide my life?
Is there less pain
Whether it is in a physical or mental way?

If I refuse to be institutionalized
Have I a right to euthanize?
If I am tired and old
Wish not to be told

How to meet my end
Say good bye to my families and friends
Use the rest of my time the best I can
Stop my mayhem

Choose my right to end
I wish to leave on my own accord
I have talked with the Lord
When it is my time to go
I wish to do it on my terms alone

Forgive me

Have you been touched by suicide?

*Suicide is the act of intentionally causing one’s own death. Risk factors include mental disorders such as depression, bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, personality disorders, alcoholism, or substance misuse. Others are impulsive acts due to stress such as from financial difficulties, troubles with relationships, or from bullying.Those who have previously attempted suicide are at higher risk for future attempts.Suicide prevention efforts include limiting access to method of suicide, such as firearms and poisons, treating mental disorders and substance misuse, proper media reporting of suicide, and improving economic conditions. Although crisis hotlines are common, there is little evidence for their effectiveness.

I met John in high school. I was a jock and he did not play sports. A met him at a local bowling alley, he was drinking beer and smoking. John was seventeen years old and hand no friends. I do not know why we clicked but we became friends. So much so he went and tried out for the football team. He was tall but thin and became a center on the team. It took a lot for him to commit to the sport but he hung in and played. He never played a sport before. A couple of months in the season I would move to California. John was a senior in high school, met a girl and fell in love. A few months later they broke up. He became depressed. He was lonely with nobody to talk to. He walked down to the cemetary leaned against a tombstone and drank some whiskey. He took a knife and stabbed himself in the heart. Where was his support system? Someone to talk to.

My Brother in law David was twenty-one and in the Airforce. He was having a successful career; he was promoted to Staff Sargent in less than two years. This is quite an accomplishment in the seventies. He would work and go to school to better himself. He came home on leave and spent some time with all his family members. Individual time doing what his brothers or sisters wanted to do. He spent a week camping with his sister and  her spouse. He had five brothers and sisters. After his leave was finished, Dave drove his little yellow Datsun ( now Nissan) back to the base in San Diego. Three weeks later twoAirman were at Mom’s front door. Dave drove to the mountains of San Diego, parked, put a three fifty-seven magnum under his chin and killed himself. What caused him to take such a drastic measure. It was found that he broke up with his girlfriend. He was Airman of the month three months straight. Everything looked rosy and nobody suspected he was depress or angry. He hated guns, but used a gun to kill himself. Why? Nobody will ever know. Guilt was left by every member of our family. Why did we not see his pain?

On Christmas Eve my Father tried to commit suicide. He took three hundred prescription pills and then came out and told my  Mom. She called an ambulance and rushed him to the hospital. I remember Dad laying in the hospital bed with a thick practice hose stuck in his mouth with black stuff all over his mouth. The nurses pumped out his stomach and saved his life. The hospital took him to the psychiatric ward and  kept him on a seventy-two hour watch. We brought his empty prescription bottles and the Doctors found the cause of his suicide: Dad was seeing three different Doctors for different ailments and his body reacted to the pills. It caused him to dive into a deep depression, causing him to commit suicide. Why did not the Doctors ask him about the medications he was taken or other Doctors he was seeing? We did not see this incident developing.

It is important that adult children check in on elderly parents. My mom was eighty-eight years old and my oldest sister thought she was acting a little strangely. She decided to hunt for her prescriptions. She found fifty or so bottles of prescriptions and started calling Doctors.The last prescription the Doctor told my sister to bring her to his office now. My sister packed up the pills and took her to the hospital. Mom was self diagnosing herself and taking medicine she was not supposed to be taken. The Doctor confiscated all the pills and gave Mom the medicine she needed, giving a list to my sister who gave the list to her brothers and sisters so we could monitor her drugs. Lessons learned and prevention of premature death.

There was a time when my Wife’s family and mine had serious health problems but her family would suffer another tragedy. Her younger brother John was in a terrible off road bike accident injuring his head. He would be in the hospital a long time. He was never the same. Once a very active young man his life would slow down. He had a thriving finishing carpenter business. It was a carpenter to the stars. Famous musicians and actors would ask him to work on their homes. His wife would take over the business and help John out. A couple of years go by and John is having difficulty. None of the drugs he was taking was helping. One week John drove over a bridge overpass for the free way  five times. The next week he did it again, the following week he would stop on the road, get out of his car and jump. A friend of his was following him but was to late to stop him. His friend pulled over and could hear him yelling for help. John would die at that bridge. A brilliant, kind mind gone forever . I do not know all the intricacies of John’s story, sometimes drugs and the mind leave no choice for the patient. No matter what you do you can not stop the process of suicide.

Wikipedia  has a great page on suicide and prevention. Cities have suicide prevention phone numbers. It is important people who lost someone to suicide need to get help. Learning to cope with a death of a loved one is difficult especially if the loved one causes his own demise. An astonishing fact: there are twenty million attempts at suicide a year in the world. People over seventy are highly susceptible. Children who are bullied sometimes do not see a way out of their predictament. People must be aware of their families and friends and keep a flow of conversation going. Search if you feel a change in a love one. Do not take life for granted. Pura Vida!


Forgive me
I did not see your pain
Or feel your emotional restraint
Or in your quietness you were engaged
In desperation’s silent rage

In fragile darkness you set your plans in motion
It was time to end the emotional commotion
You found your bridge of relief
You leaped and ended your grief

Forgive me for not being there
To help you in your time of greatest despair
You are in a better place
No more desperation must you face

I hope you found peace


An Angry Old Man

I woke up at two o’clock this morning. Awaken by a nightmare I have been running away from. My brother from another mother was arrested for a crime he did not commit. It is happening in the USA more times than you can imagine. Thousands of good people are arrested daily for crimes they did not commit. Because of the Patriot Act, it has given prosecutors and judges Carte Blanche. Arrest can be made with no evidence. Only an accusation from a friend,so called friend, that perpetrates a lie and the system runs with it. The person is arrested and thrown in jail until he or she submits to the states wishes. On threats of continued imprisonment a person will plead out to a minor felony and will be released with time served.

Because of this gestapo type of atmosphere in the USA it is the primary reason for my leaving the country. I found it to be true in banking, insurance and in hospitalization. More of our rights are being taken away. Bit by bit the fabric of our foundation is being whittled away. You say I am paranoid. I say I lived this experience and wish for a better way of life because I am tired of the fight. I wish to live in a place where people join together in peace and harmony.

My last visit to Las Vegas,the first night there were three murders and a woman was run over in a crosswalk. It is an everyday occurrence in the USA. I live in Costa Rica for peace of mind. A chance to start fresh. I found myself less agitated, aggressive and at peace with myself. I love America, but I do not see how I can help make the country survive the crisis I see looming. Can you? I see more rioting, random shootings  and illegal arrest. I see a runaway government with no over site.

I am sorry for my rambling. I wish to stop this nightmare that wakes me in the early morning hours. The facts are few but the story is true. I left a lot out of my brothers situation. His struggle to get a good life back together. Social security was stopped when he was in jail because he was considered a criminal. Although not convicted. Social Security is making him pay back one thousand dollars he received  while in jail. He will go two months with no income. Isn’t rehabilitation great? Convicted for a crime he did not commit.

Enough of my rambling. Peace, maybe I can sleep better now. Need to ramble. Drop me a line.

Pura Vida🤔